Hey All ...
While watching the sisterwives show I remember them saying they all had individual wedding rings but also all wives wore a claddagh (sp?) ring on their right hand.
Got me intrigued.
Though myself I'm not a huge ring person I was thinking it would be nice to have a such a "family" ring.
Any thoughts or input ??
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Got me thinking......
After watching the sisterwives show on tlc the other night, I was sitting and
thinking about what things were important for me and to me as a 1st wife in
regards of when another wife was/is added.
Bonding time w/ the GF.
First and foremost, I had to have bonding time with the new lady. Just her and
I. Don't try moving a stranger into my home!
LOL......this was/is not a problem since we are strong love-not-force people.
But even if there is a bond that doesn't guarantee a smooth transition.
So, here are more of my scattered thoughts......
A vehicle.
With a vehicle at your disposal - that way if the hubs is out on a "date", ya
don't feel trapped and abandoned...just hop in and go somewhere, anywhere, even
to the coffeeshop lol.
Spending money.
Ok ok, I can hear you saying,"money is too tight, there is no extra". To this I
say POPPYCOCK ! I'm not talking about the kind of spending allowances the
wealthy get. but I think it is important for all wives to have spending money.
In most homes money is pooled and one person handles the finances - hence the
need for "spending money" - keeps you from feeling like workhorses. So, even if
it's a minimal as $5.00 per week..it's necessary and should be included in the
household budget. LOL
Dates.
Yes dates. No not all together. Just the 2 of us. Not every week necessarily,
but definately occasionally. And the dates don't have to be anything more than
hanging out somewhere for a few hours. This is especially essential when hubs is
dating a gf. This will help squelch the "you do things with HER! You never do
anything with ME anymore!" feelings. (GROCERY SHOPPING AND DR APPOINTMENTS ARE
NOT DATES!)
Individuality appreciated.
A big peeve (personally) is being compared to others. It is probably stemming
from being the baby in a large family, but it really makes me wanna scream
whenever it happens. So - Don't say "so&so cleans a room in this order" or
"maybe you should try doing such and such like so&so does". Yes, it is very
possible that she has a better way. I'm not so pompous as to think I'm good at
everything, but for pete's sake - DO NOT COMPARE ME TO ANYONE! lol....it could
result in the unfortunate accident of my hand meeting your head ;-)
Compliment a strength rather than point out a weakness.
Quick response time.
Texts, phone calls, emails - even if ya can't talk right then, a response is
needed. It gives peace of mind that you are important and acknowledged. This
does NOT mean that repeated contact should happen if ya know hubs is on a date
w/ the gf...I mean really! Would you like that happening if it were YOUR date ?
Space.
That's right I said space. Whether it be a whole room, or just a desk, it is
important to have a space that is all yours. This allows you some individuality.
Some people have said to me "then you are really not understanding what a family
is". UMMM....yeah...let me ask this...do you have siblings? did you all share
everything ? Did you all stay in the same room using one bureau? Doubt it. Same
thing as I am saying - we all need a little bit of personal space - to retain
our individuality.
Boundaries.
Hmmm, this one might pertain only to me personally. I have heirloom items that
cannot be replaced. Are they expensive? No. But if I express that I don't want
them touched then don't touch them unless absolutely necessary - and even then
BE CAREFUL !
Maybe that last one sounds very petty, but for me it's important.
Ok lastly........
Emotions.
They do exist. They are natural and healthy. I have them, you have them, even
men have them. Though i do agree that issues and feelings need to be out in the
open and discussed, sometimes one needs time to process what & how they are
feeling BEFORE discussing it. It helps make the discussion more rational -
belive me. Point being - never ever ever ever ever say to me (or anyone), "you
don't/shouldn't really think that, feel that way". right or wrong it is what it
is.
That about sums it up....any thoughts ?
thinking about what things were important for me and to me as a 1st wife in
regards of when another wife was/is added.
Bonding time w/ the GF.
First and foremost, I had to have bonding time with the new lady. Just her and
I. Don't try moving a stranger into my home!
LOL......this was/is not a problem since we are strong love-not-force people.
But even if there is a bond that doesn't guarantee a smooth transition.
So, here are more of my scattered thoughts......
A vehicle.
With a vehicle at your disposal - that way if the hubs is out on a "date", ya
don't feel trapped and abandoned...just hop in and go somewhere, anywhere, even
to the coffeeshop lol.
Spending money.
Ok ok, I can hear you saying,"money is too tight, there is no extra". To this I
say POPPYCOCK ! I'm not talking about the kind of spending allowances the
wealthy get. but I think it is important for all wives to have spending money.
In most homes money is pooled and one person handles the finances - hence the
need for "spending money" - keeps you from feeling like workhorses. So, even if
it's a minimal as $5.00 per week..it's necessary and should be included in the
household budget. LOL
Dates.
Yes dates. No not all together. Just the 2 of us. Not every week necessarily,
but definately occasionally. And the dates don't have to be anything more than
hanging out somewhere for a few hours. This is especially essential when hubs is
dating a gf. This will help squelch the "you do things with HER! You never do
anything with ME anymore!" feelings. (GROCERY SHOPPING AND DR APPOINTMENTS ARE
NOT DATES!)
Individuality appreciated.
A big peeve (personally) is being compared to others. It is probably stemming
from being the baby in a large family, but it really makes me wanna scream
whenever it happens. So - Don't say "so&so cleans a room in this order" or
"maybe you should try doing such and such like so&so does". Yes, it is very
possible that she has a better way. I'm not so pompous as to think I'm good at
everything, but for pete's sake - DO NOT COMPARE ME TO ANYONE! lol....it could
result in the unfortunate accident of my hand meeting your head ;-)
Compliment a strength rather than point out a weakness.
Quick response time.
Texts, phone calls, emails - even if ya can't talk right then, a response is
needed. It gives peace of mind that you are important and acknowledged. This
does NOT mean that repeated contact should happen if ya know hubs is on a date
w/ the gf...I mean really! Would you like that happening if it were YOUR date ?
Space.
That's right I said space. Whether it be a whole room, or just a desk, it is
important to have a space that is all yours. This allows you some individuality.
Some people have said to me "then you are really not understanding what a family
is". UMMM....yeah...let me ask this...do you have siblings? did you all share
everything ? Did you all stay in the same room using one bureau? Doubt it. Same
thing as I am saying - we all need a little bit of personal space - to retain
our individuality.
Boundaries.
Hmmm, this one might pertain only to me personally. I have heirloom items that
cannot be replaced. Are they expensive? No. But if I express that I don't want
them touched then don't touch them unless absolutely necessary - and even then
BE CAREFUL !
Maybe that last one sounds very petty, but for me it's important.
Ok lastly........
Emotions.
They do exist. They are natural and healthy. I have them, you have them, even
men have them. Though i do agree that issues and feelings need to be out in the
open and discussed, sometimes one needs time to process what & how they are
feeling BEFORE discussing it. It helps make the discussion more rational -
belive me. Point being - never ever ever ever ever say to me (or anyone), "you
don't/shouldn't really think that, feel that way". right or wrong it is what it
is.
That about sums it up....any thoughts ?
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